I'm currently in the city of brotherly love - yep, Philadelphia. I flew out here on Thursday to visit my best friend, Amy. Amyla is getting ready for her wedding (just a month from tomorrow) and I am here to help de-stress the bride-to-be. As always, it is fun to be here. But it is also tough. Tough in that our friendship is changing, growing, evolving - in both good ways and bad. Let me see if I can explain this.
I grew up with five sisters. We were never really close. I mean, I call them when I need to and exchange e-mails, but if there is something happening in our lives, all six of us have other friends we call before we call our sisters. I would say I'm probably closest to my older sister Roma (I can't use initials here since ALL of our names start with R). She and I fought horribly growing up pretty much through her going to college. But when she left for college (well, honestly, after she'd been there a while) we started becoming friends. I *GASP* actually missed her. My senior year, the day after Prom (our Prom was always held on a Thursday night and then the seniors had a free day on Friday) my girlfriends and I piled in the car and drove up to see her. We went bowling and went to pig roast and picnic on the banks of the Missouri River. We had FUN together. Then when she got her first teaching job, I went and visited her and hung out. A couple of years ago we met up in the Twin Cities and had a shopping fun weekend. I seriously wished she lived closer - i could see us doing more stuff together. As it is, she lives about 10 hours away with her husband and 14 month old little boy. And as life would have it, it is much more likely that Hubs and I will be moving 10 hours in the opposite direction sometime in the next few years.
I tell you that story to explain my friend situation. As I mentioned, my sisters and I all had friends we would most likely call before we called each other. Through my growing up years there were a few people who were my "best friends" at the time. Christy and I met when we were three and were friends up through junior high. She then became one of the popular kids and I was left behind. We reconnected our senior year of high school when I knew she needed a friend. Stephanie and I became friends in 4th grade and I actually still talk to her a lot - less than when we were both single but I still know she's there. Then there was Christine in high school. I was so hurt by her actions - and lack of actions. Victoria was my saving grace in college. I honestly believe I would not have made it through all of the muck of college without Victoria's friendship. Our friendship is in a tough spot right now. She doesn't seem to need or really want me around anymore. It breaks my heart but understand the need of some people to move on. Katia and I met when I moved to eastern Iowa. Although we are so different in many ways, she is a sister of my heart. She gets me when few else can. She was my first friend to meet Hubs (he picked me up at her house for our first date) and is probably the most supportive of our marriage. Hubs loves her too - she is the sister he never had. And then there's Amy. Amy and I met (officially) in driver's ed. Before that we had seen each other at Temple - I babysat the Temple kids while the parents and older kid went to service. During our sophomore year in high school (we went to different high schools), we were both nominated to serve on the Mayor's Youth Commission. Only 4 students from each school served on the MYC so it was a pretty big deal for us. So when we were in driver's ed that summer we knew that we'd be working with each other on the MYC. Amy was so different from my high school friends. She was more worldly, more fun in many ways - not stifled by the Catholic school upbringing the way we all were. I can't pinpoint exactly when we became friends, or best friends, but I don't rememeber when she hasn't been there. Since we graduated from high school, I have live in South Dakota and in five different places in Iowa. Amy has lived in Kansas, Israel, NYC, Tulsa and now Philadelphia. Yet we have always been there for each other. She was my maid of honor; I will be a bridesmaid in her wedding next month. She, like Katia, is a sister of my heart.
Ok, so I've had friends. And I love to meet new people. But there are few who I let get really close to me. I have been hurt, almost destroyed by friendships gone bad. So I tend to be leery, and sometimes a little standoffish. I may let you see a part of my life but bets are you only know a small part. But Amy and Katia know it all.
And it is tough that things feel like they are changing so much. I love Amy's fiance' but there is fear there too. Fear, because he is so different from us, so East Coast, and although I do not for one second doubt that he loves Amy, I fear the fact that this is his life out here. And my friend is changing. Not in really bad ways or anything, just things that used to not be so important becoming priorities. By not feeling that she and I are speaking the same language, that we are on different wavelengths. Amyla swore when I got married that things between us wouldn't change, but in the 15 months Hubs and I have been married, things feel different. And since Amy got engaged last spring, things have been more different. And with her wedding a month away, I feel a little lost. Sad for what we are losing, but glad for what we are gaining. Hubs says that the right things are happening - that he is my best friend now, and that Amy and her fiance' are each other's best friends. Yes, he's is right, but it is still tough.
Part of me wants to hole away with Hubs and forget about the world. He makes me feel that safe and loved. But I know that it would be wrong to turn my back on friendships and people who have loved me.
I think I am just feeling very uncertain right now. We are trudging into uncharted waters in our friendship and I don't know what to do, other than trust that all will be OK.
OK, if you're still reading - Bless you! Thanks for letting me sort out my feelings here. Hope you all are having a great weekend. Will post photos etc from Philly later.
